Hey guys, it's been a while. I have spent so many weeks thinking of how to write this and found myself ranting- writing without any satisfactory substance. So I decided to listen to what other people have to say about this topic and how they got their teaching across and this is what I've come up with. Here's my long awaited blog on taking responsibility:
Why is taking responsibility important?
When I think of the word responsibility, I think of the word control and in taking responsibility, you are taking control of your life. This is so important because as we grow, we are stepping into stages and realms in our lives where the "que sera" mindset has no place and where getting by off the backs of others is no longer possible.
We are entering 'one shot' stages in our lives like A levels and university where we cannot afford to mess up the first time round and where it is every man for himself. Blaming others for our academic failures, granted, can be comforting because its creates a 'safety net' around our weaknesses and means that we do not have to change. However, we should note that, as I will mention many times in this blog, we do not have control over the lives of others: with that being said, you blaming others for your failures won't change who they are , thus leaving you in a cyclical and incurable cycle of directing anger towards others at the expense of your self growth. Since we cannot change others what can we change? Ourselves. And that is it. Point. Blank Period.
Taking responsibility of your life and fully acknowledging that you are the fundamental person in control of your life, will enable you to take ownership of your life as opposed to life and its interchanging circumstances having ownership over you.
When you look at the cover photo of this blog, on one hand it looks like someone is letting go of a bunch of flowers, whilst the other is taking these flowers. It's interesting because, depending on your take, if I was to ask which part of the image applies to someone taking responsibility, you can say both.
In taking responsibility, there is both a letting go and taking aspect of it.
Firstly, the letting go process:
The main reason why many people do not take responsibility is because they have a mentality stronghold that where they are and where they will end up is because of a situation and a group of people or person that has determined all of this, and this is a mentality that needs to be let go.
You need to realise that in order to take reapobsibiliy, you need to move from the victim mentality to the victor mentality.
I agree, many people are born into tough situations that they had no control over, i.e, being born poor, however, there is a stage in our life when the means and the power to escape this is right in front of us, waiting for us to take it.
Admittedly, for someone in that predicament it is not as straight forward as that, and it would be ignorant of me to think so, but that desire to change one's circumstance is the beginning of all great stories and a beginning that can never become reality if we do not take responsibility.
More on the topic on the victim mentality, you need to LET THIS GO!!!!
What life has taught me is that everyone is a victim but what distinguishes one victim form another is what they decide to do with this. It's time to stop looking at the world and loathe those more successful than you because they have a seemingly easier life.
I was listening to a motivational speech and this woman was describing a man who was on the verge of suicide because he hated his life: he had $15 million in his trust fund and felt that his parents had done everything in his life for him and if he was to do anything for himself, people would say it's because he is privileged. He accredited his failings to his family but the speakers said something very interesting, the successes in his life are down to the same family that he is blaming.
This shows that it's not the situation that determines our lives but the mentality behind it.
"It's not my fault"
"I couldn't help it"
"Nothing works for me"
"My teacher is xyz"
"No one passes xyz"
The above are all phrases symptomatic with people who do not take responsibility. It's not only our mindset that needs to change but also our behavioural actions, which I guess work hand in hand. But it's not enough to think correctly, this needs to be manifested into the 'physical'.
When something goes wrong, we need to not act in anger, directing it at others, or feel accused but rather respond to thing and not react instead. Reacting to a situation when the actions of the person is influenced by their feelings at that moment of time without consideration of the best choice, whereas a response is acknowledging of these present emotions but considers what will benefit in the long run.
Sometimes I think to myself are people that arrogant or even ignorant that they are so blameless in their eyes? That they can never do wrong.
But on the other hand, I wonder is it because they are tired of being the one to blame, the one who is always seen as a failure?
In both instances, whether the reason be justifiable or not, you need to let go of the tendency to to react and respond instead. Dismissing every instance where 'blame' can be navigated towards you will just lift you further and further into a cloud of ignorance and when that cloud begins to rain and you come back down, you will find yourself in a puddle of hurt and disappointment. And it is in that moment of the puddle you must make th decision, the right one, or find yourself rising again only to fall again, and again, and again.
Now the taking part:
So what do we need to take? After deciding to take responsibility what is next?
I believe it is taking control, after all, that's the main reason why we take responsibility right?. Weirdly, I believe that taking control is a holistic thing, an end goal, but i also believe that is a journey.
For example, the classic "my teacher is terrible" situation: maybe it is that your teacher in school is rubbish, but it gets to a point where it is your fault if you do nothing after learning of this.
In that case you have to find ways to make up for it and one way you can do that is by teaching yourselves. As I've grown, I've realised that teaching yourself is a very common things students do and even if your teacher is good it would be careless of you not to express independence in your academics.
You are taking control of your teacher's 'failings' by taking control of yours.
Moreover, when people do not take responsibility, feeling like the world is working against the, they become isolated. No one can tell them anything and they lean on their misguided self-confidence.
With that being said, you must also take advise and words of wisdom from others. When you are isolated and depend on your own ideas, you end up not knowing how to elevate from where you are and that is why companionship, fellowship, mentors- you name it- is so important.
Maybe people don't take responsibility because they don't know how to change their situation, in the case listen to others, study how others have become who they are- what steps they took. I will always say, there is nothing new under the sun and though you may find your life to be nothing like anyone in this vast planet, there are people who took the sames steps and understood the same keys you need to take to get to your victory place.
Many people in our society feel worthless and hopeless when they consider things like the future and I believe taking responsibility gives us something to look forward to, something to fight for. Finally, let it not be that taking responsibility and understanding you are the author of your life transcend into self-condemnation, believing everything (bad) is your fault, that's not how it works. Like I said, it should be something that serves a means of self-reflection and push you to shape your life in the way you want it to be.
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