I believe that, over time, the concept of happiness has appeared to be one that is both unattainable and unrealistic. Those who present this to be true do nothing but contribute damage to a society and a mindset that is already fragile.
The inspiration for this blog came when I attended my university’s public speaking society and a public speaker came to talk about getting through bad things in life.
No offence, but this is probably the first time I have listened to a public speaker that made me feel (more) deflated AFTER listening to him. Without heavily misquoting him, he basically presented happiness as a rarity, one that is triumphed by bad events. He also had the audacity to say he was a realist!!
The issue with possessing the title of a realist is that realism doesn’t really exist. Your reality is not reality but rather an idea that is a consequence of your life- life that is tethered by your circumstances, your actions and your beliefs. With this being said, many people adhere to the mentality that optimism and realism are not compatible because their reality is not reflective of one that is positive.
I agree that happiness is overrated but I believe this is because we have put too much pressure on it when in fact, it is just a fleeting feeling tethered to things that happen in our lives. We do not acknowledge that happiness is rather an element or contributory factor to joy, which is what we should be focusing on. Many people see joy and happiness as the same things but they are not, happiness can never bring you to the level of joy.
So what is joy?
Joy is a permanent 'version of happiness' and should be in existence in one's life despite their currently emotions and life circumstances.
" 17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior".
Habakkuk 3:17-18
It is through joy that we are able to overcome things in life, and it is something we must work towards, as opposed to happiness, which is, arguably a natural feeling. Even when you don't want to smile someone can make you happy, but no one can make you possess joy, that is a task of your own.
So what are the benefits of being joyful?
1. Prosperous Physical Health:
- Many people fail to realise that though things like emotions are an 'element' of our mind, it has a great impact on our physical body. I have mentioned this before but I will say it again because I just adore this point: Dr Caroline Leaf (who I suggest you guys check into), says that when we allow toxic thinking to fester in our minds, it essentially poisons our body, and over time, damages our DNA. Imagine toxic thinking as a toxic juice that is killing people bit by bit- this is why you will find that a lot of physical diseases, like cancer, are actually not inherited or as a result of environmental factors, but rather a result of the toxicity we build in ourselves. Anna oop.
- Not only does it do this, but this damage becomes the state of your DNA, and this is what you pass onto future generations. You are damaging both yourself and your bloodline. It's quite sad when I think about it, because we don't want to be the way we are, nor do we want to affect others with our choices but sadly this is a reality and it is our duty to do something about it because no one else can.
2. A Healthy Mental State
- Let's use the fig tree analogy in a different way:
imagine a healthy fig tree.
This is what a healthy mind looks like.
Now imagine a not so healthy fig tree.
This is what an unhealthy mind looks like.
Our mind is a like a seed that grows and is cultivated by wisdom, knowledge and prosperous thoughts, in which negativity seeks to destroy. And what happens to a withered tree? According to Quora: "First some limbs lose leaves and branches begin to fall off. Then bark falls off. Eventually this spreads to more and more of the tree. Once the entire tree is dead, it may lose most of its branches and bark. The inside rots and the wood weakens. Eventually the tree falls over pulling the roots up or it falls apart and the roots remain in the ground".
- Slowly, the mind begins to rot, like a tree, until it becomes a sort of toxic chamber like a witch's cauldron (for imagining purposes), lowering whoever it belongs to into a dark and lonely place. (Lol, did Shakespeare just possess me? I'm actually sorry.)
How can we live a lifestyle of joy?
1. Control your perspective:
- This is an idea that is found to be controversial and also viewed as impossible. "But Precious, what if xyz's father dies and then their house is destroyed by a fire and then they break their leg in a tornado and then lose a lottery ticket of 8 billion pounds and can no longer provide for their 10 billion kids?"
- In those instances, for me to talk about perspective seems laughable or even infantile, but I believe one's perspective is crucial to how they enjoy life, interact with others, and how far they go
- To have a positive perspective in everything is the key to joy and once you possess that key, trust me when I say there is nothing in this world that can stop you. (LOLOLOL I can sense the ReALisTt cringing at this)
- Though the fig tree does not blossom, choose to not fall victim to your situation
- And even if you can not see any positives in your current situation, see a positive in the future: Though this is my current situation, it does not have to be my future. I believe that one of the most dangerous things in life is to have no aspiration/vision, because what's the point of life? And dwelling on the circumstances of the present and negative emotions that will rob you of that.
- In the nicest way, most of the people who view disasters as the way of life are flipping weirdos. I don't understand why but as a society, we love to be negative. Noooo offenceee, but for some reason when a British stranger wants to do up small talk they always talk about how terrible the weather is or crack a joke about their wife. IT'S ACTUALLY OKAY. LIKE NOT EVERYDAY. And i get it, we have 'evolved' in a way that as a society, we bond trough negatives, especially in the case of JuIcYyy gossip.
Y'all finna stop. Like stawwwppppp.
2. Control what you feed on
- And I mean this in two senses:
1. So firstly, you need to control what you feed on in your environment: this includes what you hear, see, feel, etc. I don't know about you but is very hard to possess a positive perspective in everything when all that is being projected in your surroundings is bad news and negativity. In that case, why wouldn't you see this as reality, this negativity is what 'shapes' your day. In that light, I would not advise you to visit Mr. Public Speaker any time soon. (LOL). It angers me how easily people can assume authority over others because of their job or in this case, how eloquently they speak and how impressionable they are on people who are vulnerable and are susceptible to following the ways of society.
2. Secondly, it's not enough to control your environment, especially because it's not possible to control all of it- there will still be places where bad news and things will creep in and there is nothing you can do about it. But what you can do is control how this affects you. Seeds of doubt and negativity will be planted in your head and its up to you to accept them or counter-attack. Did you know that, on average (LOL sophisticated vibes), we think 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day, which is an average of 2,500 – 3,300 thoughts per hour. And so, we must put a lot of effort into filtering our mind and guarding the right thoughts.
With all of this being said, I will not deny it, we will feel sad (ReALiST ASMR), however in spite of this, it is possible to dwell in joy. The message of this blog is that:
a) sadness should be of fleeting moments in our lives and not an emotion that encompasses or even anchors us
b) to not feel happiness is not a reason to dwell in negative emotions and accept it as your reality
c) happiness is not an end goal and if you see it as one then when you do not feel it, you will correlate that with having a bad life
So, think about those 'fig trees' in your life and ask yourself, have I allowed this to lord over my life? If the answer is yes, understand that accepting it as your reality does absolutely nothing to the situation. And I guess that's the same for joy, but the difference between the two is that one will ultimately destroy you and the other is the key to winning in life.
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