Considering how much I’ve spoken about this, I think it’s about time I write a blog on it: fRiEndS. I think that as we get older, and especially as we enter this exam period *shudders*, we need to understand the true concept of a friend and what type of friends we should have.
So firstly, I believe that the reason why there are a lot of conflicts between fRiEndS is because *drum roll please* they are not actually friends.
I personally believe that if the only thing holding two people together is circumstance, like school, then they are not really friends, but rather acquaintances. In the same way, if, rather than going with the flow, you choose your fRiEndS because you want to uphold a certain imagine in society, then the relationship is nonetheless fake.
I don’t know about you guys but many times have I seen certain influencers be fRiEndS with a carbon copy of themselves and at the end of the day, they fall out. I don’t understand how doing things like makes sense, especially since society is changing- so does that mean that when your fRiEnd no longer fits your image, they’re cut?
In society, I think we use the term “friends” too loosely: consequently, when our fRiEnd does not meet these expectations we have of them, conflict arises.
For example, there are certain people in my life who irritate me all the timeeeeee and there is just so many avenues for conflict between us: the reason for this is because as a friend, they are either selfish, not trustworthy, etc. Then it dawned on me after years: We. Are. Not. Friends.
Not that I dislike so and so but our relationships is not that of a friendship but rather two people who can have fun together, which is fine but cannot be the case for my whole circle.
When I stopped seeing those people in this light, thus expecting less of the, things began to affect me less and conflicts between use stopped.
So who should we consider as our friends?
(In my opinion)
1. Someone who carries equally a giving and consuming spirit
- I know that in our life, we can think of someone who just takes and takes and takes and it can be very tiring
- I believe that as friends we should help others but if it is the case that your friend is always in the receiving end of things, you may have to reassess the relationship and their intentions
- I personally believe that even if you are more fortunate than your friend, there will be times where they won’t want to put you in the predicament that you are always giving
- Especially as young people, we are in a time in our lives that we are still growing and forming our identities and so we cannot afford to be drained by others
- Think of it as a jigsaw or a continuous transaction, I give you this and you fill this void with that
- Note though, that I am not saying there should be reciprocity in a relationship because I personally do not believe it exists: it can never be 50/50, it’s a petty mindset
- However, if you are giving to someone 24/7 then it’s not a friend but a charity
2. In the same vein, be with friends with someone who is cultivating
- What do I mean by cultivating?
- A cultivating person is someone who grows, nurtures, tends and encourages
- For me, a cultivating person is someone who is there to pattern you when you’re doing something wrong or ‘betraying’ yourself and don't just stand aside when you’re in situations, or add fuel to the fire
- A cultivating person is someone who teaches you and is a tool in helping you realise your potential
- Going back to the whole thing about having a consuming spirit, I don’t see how someone can help you grow if they are ‘taking your seeds’
- Moreover, you cannot afford to ‘prize’ yourself on negative and emotionally draining friends: even if their negativity won’t influence (which is not really possible) if that is your surroundings, your ‘scope’ is trapped in this negativity
3. Someone who pushes you to be better
- As cliche as it sounds, your friendship group is a reflection of who you age and if you are the most successful among them, it’s time to ...CUT
- I can be a very petty person and I think when it comes to my fiends it’s a good thing
- For me, it vexes me when my friends get more than me and guess what? It motivates me to be better
- This also keys in with the consuming spirit thing I was talking about- if you are most aspiring in your group, it would become a sort of ‘unspoken’ role to help your fRiEndS pattern
4. Someone who doesn't suppress your identity
- Going back to what I said about people picking their fRiEndS based on their desired imagine in society, there are many fRiEndS who suppress their fRiEndS’ identity to achieve this
- Do you ever feel like you can’t be yourself certain people or when you are, your fRiEnd reproaches you for it?
- That is definitely not your friend
I think that the reason people have so many fRiEndS is because we want to be popular and we are scared of hurting people’s feeling, but that’s when we need to look at the long-term and short-term values of this. Yes, being with certain people may be beneficial but when this has a negative effect on things like your work ethic, reputation, mindset, you will suffer -not your bEstfRiEnd.
Tbh, I have no conclusion but it is essential that we are aware in all things- assess. everything. Many people’s lives have been ruined due to so-called fRiEndS, and so...ignorance is not bliss.
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