Before I start, I will like to say that this blog has a high possibility of triggering people and a number of you may completely disagree with it. It is a topic that people tend to be 'unwilling' towards usually because it hits a bit too close to home. But is a topic I will be talking about nonetheless.
THE VICTIM MENTALITY.
*eww scary*~ Nella Rose
Inspired by recent life experiences and a conversation I had with a friend, today I want to talk about how we have allowed trauma to both shape our lives and excuse our behaviour and actions.
In the 19 years I have lived on this Earth, I could not tell you how many times I have been told:
1. "That's just how I am"
2. "That's just how/she is"
3. "They've been through a lot"
4. "I've been through a lot"
- If I had a pound sterling for every time I have heard this, I would be a millionaire.
In allowing our personal trauma to serve as a barrier for our actions, thinking and behaviour, we have become selfish, ignorant and toxic people.
I don't really know how to go about this blog but legooooo:
*You're doing too much*- Tamera
Coming to university, and being exposed to a plethora of people with many different walks of life has taught me that everyone. is. going. through. something.
In the beginning it was very easy for myself to believe that no one had it like me and that in everything, I was in the right- I was the victim. Perhaps to others too, they may see that I am in the right and I am the victim but perspective has taught me that it doesn't matter. If someone, whether wrongfully or rightfully, believe that they have been wronged, there is nothing in this world that would convince them otherwise.
So where am I going with this?
I guess what I want to say is that is that we need to stop letting past trauma justify our hardheaded-ness to the feelings of others and understand that your life experiences does not disqualify their feelings.
Sadly, trauma is not usually something that we can not control and even though we don't deserve it, it is something that we experience. If I could take away the pain of others, I really would.
Like I have previously said:
Trauma is something that is usually inflicted by others, yet we are the ones who have to pick up the pieces and deal with consequences when they do come. Unfortunately, something we need to acknowledge is that whilst our life may not be our fault we are the only people who can change the present and mould the future. The reason why people are not able to do this is because they feel a sort of,
justice-
escape-
satisfaction
in harbouring this victim mentality, the mentality that life is not our fault and anything that follows is not our fault also,
that is when our life is shaped by our trauma.
And this mentality is is just not true.
This is why it really infuriates me when people say certain people are better than others. Trust me, the quickest way to anger me is to say this, like I will punch you. intheface.
Like I have said countless times, we all have the power to mould our lives into what we want it to be and the only reason why it hasn't happened for people is because of a lack of understanding. (It would be ignorant of me to say it's because people don't try, because people do)
- NOTHING IS TO BIG FOR THE POWER OF THE MIND TO CONQUER. and I wish all hurting people knew that.
(I can elaborate this further in another blog, because this is not the message of my blog today)
This victim mentality is a very vital thing to know of when it comes to friendships.
- I can't really apologise if the shoe fits because I am really not trying to indirect anyone..
So how does the victim mentality endanger our friendships?
Firstly, because people have not properly faced their past trauma and carry the victim mentality, believing in everything, their feelings and behaviour is justified,
a lot of people direct their 'un-dealt' anger towards their friends. Again and again and again. Depending on the sort friend you have, they will probably tolerate it because they love you.
But in doing that, for me anyway, you will emotionally drain out your friend. Subjecting them to a constant cycle of worthlessness.
This same friend who has most definitely experienced trauma too btw.
Secondly, you will naturally strain the relationship. A lot of the time when people go through trauma, they cut off communication from friends and family. Whilst you are oh so justified in doing so, in my opinion I feel like depending on how you do it, it can sometimes be quite selfish.
Eek! I just @'d myself. Cut the cameras for real now.
OUCH.
I personally feel like whilst you do not have to tell your friends what you are going through, I believe it is a basic responsibility of a friend to tell them that you do not want to or are unable to communicate with them. Whilst it is natural to expect friends to notice changes in us, as brutal as it sounds, they equally have lives of their own.
Your friends love you but it's about time you acknowledge that, whilst friends do become like family, they are not your
sister
brother
father
mother
and at this age, they most certainly can not be your therapist.
Please do not take this to justify bottling up. Your friends will always want to be there for you, offering help but you can not expect them to fill the gaps you have decided to create. Your friend(s) will naturally reach out to you to see what's up in the situations where you are no longer communicating with them, but at one point it will become too bearing for them to handle.
It is natural for someone like a parent to fight for you to communicate with them but your friend also has their family and their friends to invest in, which is even long in itself.
Which brings me onto my last point:
Thirdly, you may end up expecting the world from your friends
- Naturally, when someone possess the victim mentality, though it may not be done so maliciously, they may begin to want everything to work around them, in their favour
- This is especially in the case of those who have discredited the feelings of others, in an attempt to justify their own
Linking to the first point, when someone acts in the way you do not want them to, you lash out. You are so unmoved in your perspective you become narrow-minded and in that become tethered to the ...*drum roll pleaseeeee*....
VICTIM MENTALITY.
The victim mentality is an enemy of perspective and the friend who wants to help you now because a dartboard for you to target your trauma at
I just ask us all to stop using our past to justify our destructive present and inevitably destructive future
It's not progressive for ourselves and others
I will endlessly say that being able to see things from the perspective of others will give you a life of true peace. It will help you develop as a person and save you from possible trouble.
Even if you do not care about the other person, in be able to understand the other, you will also be saving your self from hurt caused by misunderstandings.
- I feel like this blog was many messages in one, I apologise if it is confusing. It's a thing that I have strongly believed and I have wanted to share it for so long.
Have a blessed week.
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